Nectar of the…Russians?

Hiiii. I made a promise to myself to never blog drunk, but nothing was ever said about blogging while tipsy. Right now I’m enjoying a nice refreshing glass of watermelon vodka and Sprite. I think I’m on number 3. I stupidly gave up beer for lent and am now forced to drown my sorrows in hard liquor. 

I had a really great interview yesterday. All day I was convinced I’d be getting a job offer. Today rolled around and I was still convinced, but as the day progressed, my confidence plummeted. 

The guy said they’d be sending out an offer letter today and I never heard from them. So, naturally, this afternoon I was a wreck. My thought process was something like this: My looks apparently  can’t get me a job. My skills apparently can’t get me a job. My personality apparently can’t get me a job. I don’t know what’s left. 

But right now I don’t care. I’m over it. I don’t want sympathy or people telling me something better will come along. I’m tired of getting my hopes up about a job interview only to have my hopes dashed when I don’t get it. It’s bad enough that my dad is asking me if my lease has an unemployment clause in case I couldn’t pay my rent and would need to move back home. I would rather live with my grandmother in South Atlanta than move back in with my parents; you can’t put a price on sanity. That’s when the stripper job would come into play.

This time, I’m not kidding. You don’t know what it’s like spending an extended period of time with my parents. Especially when you’re an adult. I’d rather snort coke off a hooker’s ass. 

On a completely unrelated subject, I’m trying to get my music collection back up to speed. I backed up my itunes a while ago before my iBook crashed, BUT the disc that has all the A-M artists on it is missing. Yeah, not cool. Plus, I’m trying to put a bunch more stuff that I once had CDs for on it and that seems to be a little difficult. Like Minor Threat? I had their complete discography but now I’m having to (illegally..shhh) download it song by song because my CD is probably still with the Ex. I’ve done pretty good thus far – Misfits are back in rotation as are NOFX and Dropkick Murphys. 

So there you have it.

My life.

And now there’s a cat sleeping on my patio. Damn cats have been outside my apartment ALL week. Torturing my dog.

Facebook Etiquette

Hi. I’m Blondie and I’m addicted to Facebook. I check it all the time. And being an addict, I know the ins and outs of Facebook etiquette, and nothing annoys me more than when someone forgets their manners.

For example:

• Commenting on someone’s status with something totally unrelated to the status update. My parents neighbor commented on my job loss status with a question about my sister-in-law and made no mention about my job. Nice.

• Using photo comments as a way to tell everyone what you’ve been doing for the past 5, 10 or 20 years. BFF posted her elementary school class photo and tagged everyone in it. This one guy used the photo comments to tell an incredibly long story (over the span of three posts) about his childhood and how he was abused.

• Making detailed plans using the wall. Sure it’s fine to write ‘hey, let’s grab drinks next week’, but posting exact time and location is too much. Do you want everyone to know what you are doing?

• Downloading someone’s photos and then uploading them as your own. This seems to happen way more than it should. It’s basically stealing. Bonus points if someone takes your photos and then tags you in them!

• Tagging people in embarrassing photos. That’s plain rude. If the photo is questionable then let the person tag themself. In a related story, BFF emailed me and other people a photo of herself in college dressed as Wonder Woman. Another friend then took that photo and uploaded it and tagged BFF. That’s a serious WTF moment right there. Her defense when BFF called her out in a status update (which basically said ’so and so is stealing peoples pictures’)? “it’s not stealing! You emailed me the picture!”

• Using bad spelling and grammar…on my wall. That shit isn’t cool. We all know how I feel about bad spellers.

And finally…
• Calling my parents after reading my status update. Again, this was my parents neighbor who called my parents today to ask how MY job interview went after seeing my update. Seriously, don’t go to my parents to ask something that should be directed to me. What if I hadn’t told them about the interview yet?

The annoying neighbor is also bugging Sisinlaw now that she is on facebook too. And posted an entire recipe on her wall…

Challenge Accepted

Atlanta Cougar from Atlanta Cougar’s Wild Kingdom tagged me in this little challenge thingy and I accept. The premise: 

Your ship has sunk. You have, of course, been stranded on a deserted island. You have salvaged a copy of the King James Version of the Bible and a copy of the complete works of Shakespeare. Nothing else. The very next day you find one of those Arabian Lamps in the sand. Of course, you rub it and, of course, a rather grumpy Genie appears. “Let’s get this straight – there is a recession going on. There are restrictions on the three wishes now. I don’t do water or air transport now so no boats, planes or magic carpets. As for electronics, forget it. There isn’t the infrastructure on this island. I can let you have one book and I mean one VOLUME, one essential item and one luxury item. Now hurry up and make your choices, I have to get to those five other islands you are going nominate.”

 

Ok. This is actually pretty easy for me.  

The book: Well, it doesn’t really matter because my luxury item will get me off the island in no time. So, how bout the Kama Sutra…you know, to brush up on. 

The essential item: Hmm. A neverending bottle of Grey Goose? Again, I don’t plan on staying on the island very long. 

 

 

And finally…

The luxury item: (keep in mind the Genie only said I couldn’t have any sort of transportation or electronics. Loop holes people. Gotta look out for the loop holes.)

 

Edward Cullen! Who will turn me into a vampire and then we can just swim back to land cause we will be able to swim fast and never tire. And then we’ll spend the rest of our days perfecting our Kama Sutra positions. 

Ha! Take that! 

Anyways, I have to tag some people so I choose: 

Kim at Perfectly Cursed Life

Discotrash at Tales from the Gutter

Melissa at About This & That

KC at Adventures in Normality

Katie at Eight Thirty Eyes

Like being able to multitask?

Detail oriented. Effective note taker. Type 50+ words per minute. Proven sales record. Advanced knowledge of computer programs. Six Sigma Black Belt. Highly attractive.

Most of these are phrases you’d find in job postings. The last was one I saw today in a posting for an Office Manager. Sure, in some industries you’d expect a phrase like this – pretty people do help sell certain products. But an Office Manager?

At first I questioned the ethics of such a posting; isn’t it considered discrimination against ugly people? But then I thought some more – not everyone is detail oriented or a good note taker. These are skills you either have or don’t have. Or you learn them. Couldn’t attractiveness be considered the same? If you’re not attractive (or don’t think you are), there are ways to change that.

So, I applied and sent my photo as was requested in the posting. My resume is exceptional and I’m still not getting call backs from the companies I’m applying with, so why not use my looks to help me out? I feel like the ball is in my court – I mean, how many young attractive women are looking for office manager positions in Atlanta? Hopefully not many. And if that’s what it takes to get a job, so be it.

And guess what? They want to set up an interview! I got called same day I sent in my resume!

Do I feel dirty? A little. Do I want a job bad enough to look past the dirtiness? Most likely. I’m giving myself until the morning to determine if I’m going to set up an interview.

WordPress hates me.

I couldn’t remember if I actually published the last blog entry or just closed my browser while I was still writing – it happens to me more than you’d like to think. This morning I woke up and found my blog entry posted, but only half written. 

I assure you it wasn’t an attempt to be funny since I did write about half written blog entries – WordPress simply chose not to include the last part of my post and now I can’t remember what I wrote. 

On top of that, WordPress also doesn’t like me posting pictures. Every time I try to upload a picture I get the log-in screen within the picture upload box. Once I log in, I am sent to my site so I end up looking at my blog within my blog. Quite frustrating. Maybe it’s my browser, or maybe WordPress actually does hate me. 

Now I’m worried about what I did to piss WordPress off.

Oh dear. I seem to have gone lame.

I’ve gone lame. I have at least 5 half written blog entries that I simply got bored of writing, and my life seems like it revolves around taking care of my nieces these days. I find myself discussing their sleep schedules and the proper ways to burp them. It’s not pretty. 

Last night I got peed on. The same baby puked on me an hour later. Quite the night I must admit. Right now, I’m trying my hardest to stay awake because I simply don’t want to go to bed at 8:30 even though I went to sleep at 6:15 this morning and woke up around 9:30. You do the math. 

Beyond that, I’m trying to keep an active social life  and am doing a pretty good job of it. I’ve turned all the book club girls into Cheers fans, and we all gather on Wednesday nights for trivia. It’s different from the days when Serial and I would go just the two of us and cause quite the ruckus. Not that I don’t miss those days. Believe me, I do. It’s been a long time since Serial and I went drinking and decided to buy kites or film commercials for Jared. Sigh. Good times. 

Anyways. I’m lame. I promise I’ll get myself into some entertaining trouble this week just so I’ll have something to write about.

Recap, Reviews and Rethinking

I finished my first week of ‘work’ today and I’m exhausted. This morning, I slept from 3 to 5 and then 6:30 to 9:30 (but got countless phone calls and text messages between 7 and 9, grr), and needless to say, my schedule is a bit messed up. The nights I’m supposed to work I try and sleep most of the day so I can stay up until 3, and the days after I work, I spend the remainder of the day resting. That doesn’t leave time for much of anything else. But today, I got my first paycheck (and money from unemployment!) so my bank account is all fat and happy again.  

I have to admit I have a pretty cushy gig right now. I get up to my brother’s around 8 and chill out and watch TV, movies, etc until the 11 o’ clock feeding. After that, I watch some more TV, improve my pinball skills, or put together baby toys until the 2 am feeding. After that, I set my alarm for 5, catch a few zzz’s and get up when the alarm goes off. When that feeding is over, I put the babies back in my brother’s room and sleep until I can sleep no more. Unfortunately, Dixie has not adjusted to this new schedule and wakes me up at 9. This morning, Sisinlaw went to McDonald’s for breakfast and got me a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. And hashbrowns. And a Diet Coke. God bless her. 

Meanwhile, relations between me and my brother are at an all time high. *snicker* Sorry, inside joke. Let’s just say our improved relationship may have something to do with the distinct aroma coming from the basement workout room every night. 

Yesterday, I got the privilege of going to the unemployment office for what turned out to be a 2-hour class on job searching. Funny, the letter I got in the mail telling me to show up at 10 didn’t mention anything about a 2-hour class. Regardless, the class was actually informative despite having a crazy lady for a teacher and being surrounded by a bunch of dumb people. 

And it got me thinking. Of course. 

Yes, I know I mentioned getting my MBA and that could still be a possibility in the future, but someone brought up a good point the other day. With the economy the way it is, everyone is thinking about going back to school which means the candidate pool is bigger, and then when you graduate, everyone will be fighting for the same jobs. And the lady at the unemployment office did tell us to find what we are good at and enjoy doing and figure out how to do it for a living. 

Now, instead of wanting to just do marketing, I’m also thinking about advertising, IT, writing, counseling or even using my criminology degree. I have been watching the X Files lately and that is the main reason I went for a criminology degree (I wanted to join the FBI like Mulder and Scully). And yes, that’s a lot to think about. 

So that’s been my week. I’m heading to a birthday party tonight and then tomorrow is Valentine’s Day…which means nothing to me, but Cheers is having drink specials for the ladies. I’ll dress up as cupid for drink specials on a Saturday night!

My calling

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I’ve been hearing commercials on the radio for Pure Romance – Pampered Chef style parties selling bedroom tools instead of kitchen ones. And it took all of a millisecond for me to realize that it just might be the perfect career path for me. Hosting parties to sell sex toys. Let me repeat that. Hosting parties to sell sex toys. 

It totally encompasses two things I absolutely love: hosting parties and, well, you know. It’s the perfect career! 

Now now, I know what you’re thinking:

Sex parties? Really? 

Yes, really. Why not? Adult stores aren’t exactly geared towards women and shopping there can be very intimidating for your average woman. Plus the products offered by Pure Romance are actually inexpensive compared to other adult novelty sites. I’ll just have to do some product testing to ensure durability.And a few years ago, I seriously considered selling Party Lite on the side to earn extra money because I totally loved their products. The only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t have any time to host parties. And, in case you haven’t noticed, I have plenty of time now. And who is more suited to sell sex toys than moi? 

No one . That’s who.

The Next Best Thing

With my finances in turmoil, I’ve had to cut out some of the things I love – pedicures, shopping sprees and worst of all, my exotic dance classes. And let me tell you, it shows. My fat pants are now my tight pants and my regular pants are gathering dust in my closet. It’s a good thing I’m unemployed because I’d have nothing to wear.

A few weeks ago, I saw a commercial for Flirty Girl Fitness that claimed you can lose 2 pant sizes in a month. Normally I’d turn the channel, but I know how effective exotic dance can be, and I think there’s something to their claim. So rather than spend over a $100 for 4 dance sessions at the studio, I went to ExerciseTV and bought the 4-disc Teaser Pack for $50 – it even came with a free boa!

Today, I popped the Booty Beat disc into my DVD player and shook my tush for a good 30 minutes while doing some ever so sexy moves. It didn’t really feel like a workout until I took a shower a while later and realized my arms were completely worn out. It was the ‘I don’t think I can lift my arm above my head’ kind of worn out. Excellent! Now I’m totally a fan. If you are too scared to try out an exotic dance class, then give these DVDs a try. The feather boa is even used in one of the workouts!

I just hope my roommate doesn’t walk in on me using it.

Kickin’ it old school

I thought for a moment – should I write skool or school? ? In the end I opted for the spelling you see above; I honestly didn’t feel cool enough writing skool. It’s like trying to sound cool saying fo shizzle.

So, I’m writing this from my totally operational PC – cool right? Yeah, it’s totally fly except that I found out it doesn’t have a graphics card. Or the graphics card has been removed or something. Regardless, I’m rockin out in 4 bits, yo!  

It’s all killa tight cause the graphics look like watercolor paintings. I’m thinking of bringing this look back and calling it Windows Watercolor. And what’s even cooler is that I can’t change the screen resolution, so I’m living it up in 640 by 480. If you didn’t know, WordPress doesn’t function well in 640 by 480 – in fact, the boxes that normally chill to the right of the screen now cover half the writing area so I can’t even see what I’m typing. I’m sure there are a ton of typing errors, but I can’t see them.

Luckily, my parents have a bunch of extra PCs laying around and I know one of them has a decent graphics card.  I’m getting dizzy looking at all of these dots and pastel colors.

Regardless, I’m back online. Kinda.