Things I plan to blog about in the near future

My new (and awesome) job.
The recession party Serial and I are having.
Caribbean Festivus.
Bar adventures.

But they will have to wait a while longer.

St. Pat’s Fail

Oh I love my life. Halfway into my second jumbo beer at Cheer’s St. Patrick’s day party, I saw a guy I thought looked familiar. I approached him and asked where I knew him from, and he immediately looked offended. Not a good sign. When I told him I meet a lot of people, he looked even more offended but eventually revealed his identity. Something I now wish he hadn’t done. Yes kids, the mystery guy was none other than Perky Nipple Dude from the Young Republicans event. Yeah. I rock. I realized he was reasonably attractive, so after apologizing, I started chatting with him and, as it turned out, he was really interested in me. Then he started following me around and tried not once, not twice, but three times to kiss me. Not just leaning in, but grabbing my face and pulling it towards his waiting lips. Suddenly reasonably attractive turned into drunk and sketchy. I eventually escaped his clutches and made my way outside but Serial didn’t want to give up her prime location. So I wait til the coast was clear and snuck back in. Minutes later, he returned.

He accused Serial of being high because her eyes were dialated and then began molesting me right there in the bar. Serial and I were sitting on top of a side bar and he spread my legs and began gyrating against me. Then began thrusting. I had visions of what sex would be like with him and it wasn’t a pretty image. Finally Serial and I managed to escape and I decided I had enough fun for one evening. Because the party was so big, I had to park in the neighboring shopping center’s parking lot – and was assured by the parking attendant that my car would be fine there. When I arrived back at my car, I was shocked to find a boot on my car and every other car in the lot. FML. As it turned out, Cheer’s owner was notified that all the cars in that lot were going to be booted and chose not to inform any of the patrons. Further proof that the owner is a total asshole.

And so that ended the massive fail that was St. Pats. Serial and I both decided we need to find a new local bar because Cheers just isn’t doing anything for us anymore. We love our bartenders but the owner and some of the patrons make it less enjoyable for us each visit.

And now I’m out of $50 I didn’t have to start with. Thank God for my new job!

You look like a rockin’ chick.

Serial and I went to a public flogging in our honor last night, um er, I mean, a Young Republicans happy hour that oddly enough was held at Cheers. While both of us have conservative tendencies, we wouldn’t classify ourselves as Republicans, but nevertheless, we went wearing pearls and dental dams (a horrible inside joke) and forced ourselves to mingle with lovers of Fox News.

It was a sea of croakies, ties, and pantyhose. Sheer control top sandalfoot, of course. I instantly felt like a whore in church. We retreated to the comforts of the bar area to down a few drinks before attempting any social interaction, and discussed our theories on virgins among Republicans and which political party is better in bed – a theory I plan on fully researching. Serial then went to chat with the bar owner while I chilled by myself. That is until Nipple Man showed up.

I was minding my own business, enjoying a refreshing beer when this dude, who had the perkiest nipples I had ever seen on a man, approached me.

“Hey, you look like a rockin’ chick,” he said. “I’m looking to play some songs on the juke box, what kind of music do you like?”

“Rock.”

“Awesome. That’s what I’ve been playing. What’s your favorite band?”

“I dunno. How bout GNR?”

“A little Guns N’ Roses? Awesome.”

Axl Rose serenaded the crowd for the next hour or so – I swear the dude played every GNR song in the juke box. And every time a new song started, he yelled my name and gave me the thumbs up.

After a while, Serial and I felt confident enough to start mingling. We made our way outside and were met by about twenty girls who were just hanging out. We chatted for a while and realized that the girls were actually pretty cool – it’s the guys who lack social skills. Eventually, the alcohol caught up to us, including the congratulatory shot given to us for my new job, and we decided to call it an early night; we definitely didn’t want to be know as those two drunk girls.

All in all, it turned out to be quite a hilarious night. We left with a bunch of memorable quotes and stories, including Serial’s ‘Most Awkward Comversation Ever’ and promised each other we’d start attending more events -maybe even a Young Democrats event. I’m itching to see who has the better events. And hotter guys.

A totally new Blondie

Ladies and gentlemen!!!!
Introducing the totally redesigned Blondie!
We’ve given her a total makeover for 2009. A bigger smile, smaller waistline, and a new lease on life are just a few of the modifications we’ve made to her this year. And she now comes with fun new accessories; just look at what’s in her hands. Why, it’s a job offer! And not only a job offer, but THE job offer!

Remember the company I interviewed with before losing my job? For the marketing gig in Serial’s industry? That they ended up making into a part time position?
Well, the girl they hired ended up not working out and they immediately thought of me! My role will be part time for the next 90 days but I’ll still have full benefits and I’ll get to continue watching after my nieces. After that, they’ll bump me up to full time!

And did I mention it’s in Serial’s industry? That means we’ll be going to all the industry events together!! So excited!!

The only downside is that it doesn’t pay as much as I would like right now, but that’s ok. They said they’ll review my salary at the 90 day period. Plus, following my desired career path makes up for the for the salary.

So that’s my news! I’m pumped about going back to work and wearing cute work clothes again! Yay!

You should thank me.

My writing has sucked lately and I don’t know why. Every time I sit down to write an entry it comes out looking like shit. Even now I’m struggling to put a decent sentence together. I’m just all off. 

Anyways, I saved you the trouble of reading a bunch of crap by not posting those entries even though the subject matter is pretty funny. You’re welcome. 

The things I do for you. 

This weekend I’m taking a road trip to Kentucky with Fundraiser and I’m quite pumped about it. It will be nice to get away for a while, even if it is just a weekend. I’ve already warned her that it will take us twice as long to get home because I’ll want to stop at every truck stop, souvenir stand, etc, and take pictures. And I’m sure I’ll post some on here. 

Yay for road trips!