(a woman in a tasteful suit comes out on stage and addresses the audience)
Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen,
We’re glad you could make it to the A Blondie Moment quarterly update; it’s great to see everyone here so bright and early. Did everyone get some coffee? We don’t want anyone falling asleep during the meeting. (chuckles quietly)
(dims lights, lowers projector)
Let’s go ahead and get started with the meeting. First, we’ll quickly run through the topics we will be discussing throughout the meeting today.
(advances powerpoint slide)
Ok, these are the topics. We have:
- New bars, new bartenders
- Make new friends but keep the old
- Moving Day
- Strippers, trivia and the correlation between the two
At this time, I’d like to turn the mic over to Blondie herself, so she can give us the information each of these topics. So, without further ado, here’s Blondie!
(the intro to Welcome to the Jungle starts playing as I come out on stage, looking FABulous if I do say so myself)
How’s everybody doing today? (crowd cheers) Alright! Well, I’m so glad everyone could take time out of their schedule to be here today, we’ve got a lot to cover. Jane’s already mentioned the topics we will be covering so let’s go ahead and get started.
First up, New bars, new bartenders.
Remember when I said I didn’t think I could ever find a bar I like as much as Cheers? (Don’t ask me to find a specific example, I know I’ve said it countless times in this blog.) Well, I fear the novelty has worn off. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the staff and bartenders and wish I could take them with me, but every time I go, it’s the same people and the same situations over and over and over. And I’ve gotten very tired of all the fake friends I’ve made — the people who you’d never speak to if you stopped going to the bar. In all truthfulness, that is exactly what’s happened. And my eyes have been open to all these new bars, and in the past month, I’ve done something different every weekend. And it has been awesome. I love having variety in my life.
Ok, does anyone have any questions about this? No? Let’s move along then.
Next, Make new friends but keep the old.
The whole “variety” thing I’m working on has introduced me to a lot of new friends. Two Sundays ago, I joined some people for beer and met some fine folks; last weekend, I went to the Braves game with some friends from church and made at least 4 new friends. Later that night, I met some more people and ended up watching a movie at the girl’s place at 1 am! I also reconnected with a friend from middle school and played trivia with him and another guy I grew up with last night. And on Friday I’m going to a meet and greet for the roller derby, so I’m bound to meet some new people. At the same time, I’m strengthening some of my existing friendships. Jools has been my “gal on the town” because she lives where I’m moving to, so she’s acclimating me to the area. Hanging out with her is fun because she’s always up for something new, plus she’s from South Africa and is slightly crazy. I’ve been hanging out with Grabs a lot too because she’s always willing to go out on a weeknight (one of the few perks of her not being employed), and is game for going anywhere. And believe it or not, I’ve been hanging out with the church crowd more. I’m not quite ready to return to church but I’m getting there.
So that’s that. Does anyone need to take a bathroom break? How bout we take a quick 5 minute break.
(5 minutes later)
Ok, whew, that’s a lot of information we’ve gone over. Are you guys falling asleep? Maybe we should get some loud music pumping and everyone can get up and dance.
Alright, on to item 3. Moving Day.
I am moving! On August 1st! To places unknown! Roomie and I have decided to part ways, and at first I was worried about finding a roommate I got along with (I haven’t had much luck with roommates), but now I’m actually excited about living with someone or someones new. I’ve narrowed my search to Grant Park, Reynoldstown, Ormewood Park, Little 5 Points, Inman Park and East Atlanta. The entire section over there is really up and coming and there are cute downtown areas in each neighborhood with yummy restaurants and fun bars. I’m super excited. Plus, the rent is cheaper in those areas. And I may have found roommate(s). Nothing is final yet so I don’t want to get too excited.
Ok, that was short, sweet and to the point!
Our final topic is Strippers, trivia and the correlation between the two.
I lied. There’s no correlation between the two. I just wanted to tell you about two of the hilarious outings I’ve gone to. A few weeks back, I went to the Exotic Dancer Championships at one of the strip clubs — it was riotious! One of the finalists did a puppet show between her legs and then got into a bathtub and started spraying water everywhere. Another girl sucked donkey balls* and I don’t even know how she made it into the top 3. All she did was try to get the crowd to cheer for her. I could have done a better job than her! Then, last night, I played Simpsons trivia at Mellow Mushroom. We did pretty stellar until round three and then the questions got harder. The answer to one of the questions was buffalo testicles and I was the only person to answer correctly. Needless to say, I will not be living that down for a while. Hey, I guess the two subjects do correlate! Balls!
Ok, that about wraps up everything.
*She didn’t actually suck donkey balls. That wasn’t her talent or anything. She in fact, didn’t have a talent and that’s why she sucked.
