Cashier for a grocery store
My termination would be a result of something like this:
“Um excuse me? This is an express lane you c -yes, I use this word to express my anger- unt. 10 items or less! 10 items or less, you bitch! Can’t you fucking read?” (since moving to the ghetto I’ve realized that people really don’t pay attention to the 10 items or less sign. They also drive the wrong way down a one way parking lot, but don’t get me started on that.)
Financial anything
“Five plus ten plus two plus five times ten minus two…wha?”
Dermatologist
While I did enjoy the results from Accutane when I was 15, I couldn’t fathom anyone being a dermatologist. And the one I had was a complete weirdo.
I never want to say the following: Let’s take a sample of this boil.
Sales
“Hi there. Have you heard about our company? We do this this this and this and here’s the bullshit reason why you need us!”
I don’t fake orgasms and I don’t fake an interest in a product.
Wedding Planner
“Really? Why go through with this when it’s obvious you’re gonna be divorced in two years?”
Sommelier
“Look, I don’t know shit about these grapes but this wine will get you buzzzzed.”
Bartender
“One for you, two for me. One for you, two for me.”
