Beer good.

Jools (to bartender): I’d like a Jack and Diet please.
Me: Hey! What are you doing ordering my favorite drink? (naturally, no one else on the planet is allowed to drink my drink)
Bartender Dan: Do you want one as well?
Me: Um no. I’m sort of banned from Jack Daniels.
Bartender Dan: Really? Why? Do you do stupid stuff when you drink it?
Me: You could say that…
Jools: IT MAKES HER RANDY!

(a few minutes later)

Bartender Dan (to the guy sitting next to me): I think you should buy her a shot of Jack Daniels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jools (who is from South Africa): Hey, what does douchebag mean exactly? Doesn’t it mean dork or something?
Me: No! It means something worse than asshole!
Jools: Oh shit! I just called the manager a douchebag!

Last night, Jools and I went to the Exotic Dancer National Championship. Highlights included:

• A woman putting on a puppet show between her legs. It was set to the song, ‘The Devil Went Down to Georgia’ and the puppet was the devil who played the ‘fiddle’.
• A fire breather who couldn’t even get the torches lit. Even after 5 tries.
• A chick sliding around on the wet floor. It was actually pretty entertaining.

It was pretty entertaining and made me miss my pole dancing classes. Afterward, we went out in East Atlanta Village, which will be the home of my new watering hole when I move. We had so much fun and made friends with bartenders, managers and even a cop. At one bar, most of our drinks were comped which was quite refreshing since a certain establishment doesn’t seem to care about their patrons very much.

When the night was over, we stopped at Krystals and devoured several mini cheeseburgers and chili cheese fries.

Today I woke up and realized I only spent $15 the entire night (including Krystals). I also woke up with another bottle of hot sauce in my purse.

That, my friend, is a whole other story.

The Weekend in Review

Well, it’s Monday again. And like every Monday, I get a ton of people asking “Did you do anything fun this weekend?” I think for a moment about the response I am going to give. Do I tell them I went out with friends or that I got drunk and started showing people how my underwear matched my socks?

With that being said, aren’t you curious about my weekend? Yeah?  I thought so. Was it the part about the underwear that got your attention?

Where to begin? How bout the beginning?

Friday:Friday night was a pretty low key evening. Roomie and I watched No Reservations with Catherine Zeta Jones and Aaron Eckhart. I think we were both in bed by 10:30.

Saturday: Roomie and I decided to go out for drinks at the pub with Mayhoo. Calvary called and wanted to hang out too, which was great because I haven’t seen her in forever. Then I got a text message from Marge who wanted to come out as well. MARGE! I haven’t seen Marge since my birthday! We all met at the apartment for some pre-drinking and headed on over.

After standing for a while, we finally grabbed a table but got stuck with a bitchy waitress who wanted me to transfer my tab from the bar to her. Hmm, let me think. Leave my tab at the bar where I constantly get free drinks or transfer it to a psycho bitch who thinks our table is a flight risk?

Words were exchanged and we didn’t see her again that night. Later, SerialDater met up with us and invited her coworkers. She insisted I was flirting with one of her coworkers and kept calling me a cougar all night because he is 6 years younger. I wasn’t flirting. He had a Red Sox hat on and me being a Red Sox fan, felt the need to take it from him and wear it. So it was more like I was flirting with the hat.

Sunday: Sunday was spent recovering from Saturday night. Flounder came over later in the day to take a look at my computer. He determined that my hard drive was damaged and I’d need to get a new one. Hooray! Steps closer to having my computer fixed. That night, SerialDater and Mayhoo came over to watch the Oscars. Which were a bit of a snooze.

So there you have it. My weekend in review.

What? You still want to know about my underwear incident? Well, I got a pair of boyshorts for class and they had matching kneesocks so I got both. After a few drinks at the bar,  I showed all of my friends how they matched. Nothing scandalous. Just pulled the waistband up.

Date Rape Drug

RamblingAndy posted an entry about a waiter foiling a man’s attempt to spike his date’s drink with Valium.  And it reminded me about a funny email I got about a date rape drug used on men.

“Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.

Many females use a date-rape-drug on the market called Beer. The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs. 
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that ’something bad’ occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings, in a familiar scam known as ‘a relationship’. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as ‘marriage’.

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please forward this warning to every male you know. 
If you fall victim to this Beer scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up ‘Golf Courses’ in the phone book.”