Posts Tagged ‘drinking’

Quarterly Update

{ June 9, 2009 @ 9:49 am } · { That was random. }
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(a woman in a tasteful suit comes out on stage and addresses the audience)

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen,

We’re glad you could make it to the A Blondie Moment quarterly update; it’s great to see everyone here so bright and early. Did everyone get some coffee? We don’t want anyone falling asleep during the meeting. (chuckles quietly)

(dims lights, lowers projector)

Let’s go ahead and get started with the meeting. First, we’ll quickly run through the topics we will be discussing throughout the meeting today.

(advances powerpoint slide)

Ok, these are the topics. We have:

  • New bars, new bartenders
  • Make new friends but keep the old
  • Moving Day
  • Strippers, trivia and the correlation between the two

At this time, I’d like to turn the mic over to Blondie herself, so she can give us the information each of these topics. So, without further ado, here’s Blondie!

(the intro to Welcome to the Jungle starts playing as I come out on stage, looking FABulous if I do say so myself)

How’s everybody doing today? (crowd cheers) Alright! Well, I’m so glad everyone could take time out of their schedule to be here today, we’ve got a lot to cover. Jane’s already mentioned the topics we will be covering so let’s go ahead and get started.

First up, New bars, new bartenders.

Remember when I said I didn’t think I could ever find a bar I like as much as Cheers? (Don’t ask me to find a specific example, I know I’ve said it countless times in this blog.) Well, I fear the novelty has worn off.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the staff and bartenders and wish I could take them with me, but every time I go, it’s the same people and the same situations over and over and over. And I’ve gotten very tired of all the fake friends I’ve made — the people who you’d never speak to if you stopped going to the bar. In all truthfulness, that is exactly what’s happened. And my eyes have been open to all these new bars, and in the past month, I’ve done something different every weekend. And it has been awesome. I love having variety in my life.

Ok, does anyone have any questions about this? No? Let’s move along then.

Next, Make new friends but keep the old.

The whole “variety” thing I’m working on has introduced me to a lot of new friends. Two Sundays ago, I joined some people for beer and met some fine folks; last weekend, I went to the Braves game with some friends from church and made at least 4 new friends. Later that night, I met some more people and ended up watching a movie at the girl’s place at 1 am! I also reconnected with a friend from middle school and played trivia with him and another guy I grew up with last night. And on Friday I’m going to a meet and greet for the roller derby, so I’m bound to meet some new people. At the same time, I’m strengthening some of my existing friendships.  Jools has been my “gal on the town” because she lives where I’m moving to, so she’s acclimating me to the area. Hanging out with her is fun because she’s always up for something new, plus she’s from South Africa and is slightly crazy. I’ve been hanging out with Grabs a lot too because she’s always willing to go out on a weeknight (one of the few perks of her not being employed), and is game for going anywhere. And believe it or not, I’ve been hanging out with the church crowd more. I’m not quite ready to return to church but I’m getting there.

So that’s that. Does anyone need to take a bathroom break? How bout we take a quick 5 minute break.

(5 minutes later)

Ok, whew, that’s a lot of information we’ve gone over. Are you guys falling asleep? Maybe we should get some loud music pumping and everyone can get up and dance.

Alright, on to item 3. Moving Day.

I am moving! On August 1st! To places unknown! Roomie and I have decided to part ways, and at first I was worried about finding a roommate I got along with (I haven’t had much luck with roommates), but now I’m actually excited about living with someone or someones new. I’ve narrowed my search to Grant Park, Reynoldstown, Ormewood Park, Little 5 Points, Inman Park and East Atlanta. The entire section over there is really up and coming and there are cute downtown areas in each neighborhood with yummy restaurants and fun bars. I’m super excited. Plus, the rent is cheaper in those areas. And I may have found roommate(s). Nothing is final yet so I don’t want to get too excited.

Ok, that was short, sweet and to the point!

Our final topic is Strippers, trivia and the correlation between the two.

I lied. There’s no correlation between the two. I just wanted to tell you about two of the hilarious outings I’ve gone to. A few weeks back, I went to the Exotic Dancer Championships at one of the strip clubs — it was riotious! One of the finalists did a puppet show between her legs and then got into a bathtub and started spraying water everywhere. Another girl sucked donkey balls* and I don’t even know how she made it into the top 3. All she did was try to get the crowd to cheer for her. I could have done a better job than her! Then, last night, I played Simpsons trivia at Mellow Mushroom. We did pretty stellar until round three and then the questions got harder. The answer to one of the questions was buffalo testicles and I was the only person to answer correctly. Needless to say, I will not be living that down for a while. Hey, I guess the two subjects do correlate! Balls!

Ok, that about wraps up everything.

 

*She didn’t actually suck donkey balls. That wasn’t her talent or anything. She in fact, didn’t have a talent and that’s why she sucked.

Beer good.

{ May 31, 2009 @ 6:42 pm } · { That was random. }
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Jools (to bartender): I’d like a Jack and Diet please.
Me: Hey! What are you doing ordering my favorite drink? (naturally, no one else on the planet is allowed to drink my drink)
Bartender Dan: Do you want one as well?
Me: Um no. I’m sort of banned from Jack Daniels.
Bartender Dan: Really? Why? Do you do stupid stuff when you drink it?
Me: You could say that…
Jools: IT MAKES HER RANDY!

(a few minutes later)

Bartender Dan (to the guy sitting next to me): I think you should buy her a shot of Jack Daniels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jools (who is from South Africa): Hey, what does douchebag mean exactly? Doesn’t it mean dork or something?
Me: No! It means something worse than asshole!
Jools: Oh shit! I just called the manager a douchebag!

Last night, Jools and I went to the Exotic Dancer National Championship. Highlights included:

  • A woman putting on a puppet show between her legs. It was set to the song, ‘The Devil Went Down to Georgia’ and the puppet was the devil who played the ‘fiddle’.
  • A fire breather who couldn’t even get the torches lit. Even after 5 tries.
  • A chick sliding around on the wet floor. It was actually pretty entertaining.

It was pretty entertaining and made me miss my pole dancing classes. Afterward, we went out in East Atlanta Village, which will be the home of my new watering hole when I move. We had so much fun and made friends with bartenders, managers and even a cop. At one bar, most of our drinks were comped which was quite refreshing since a certain establishment doesn’t seem to care about their patrons very much.

When the night was over, we stopped at Krystals and devoured several mini cheeseburgers and chili cheese fries.

Today I woke up and realized I only spent $15 the entire night (including Krystals). I also woke up with another bottle of hot sauce in my purse.

That, my friend, is a whole other story.

Warning: May cause lameness.

{ April 17, 2009 @ 10:57 am } · { That was random. }
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Lately my alcohol consumption has been through the roof. And guess what people? Alcohol makes you fat. For this reason, and others including fear of death by alcohol induced heart failure and a disdain for life functions the day after consumption, I decided to put a self-imposed ban on alcohol with the following exceptions:
1. Alcohol may be consumed at happy hour but a maximum of three (3) low calorie drinks are allowed to be consumed unless purchased by cute boys.
2. Two (2) alcoholic drinks may be consumed at company functions.
3. Alcohol may be consumed on a Friday OR Saturday night, not both, provided the consumer has eaten healthy and worked out that day.

In addition, I signed up for Catherinette’s Operation Muffin Top(ple) and was given the awesome fatty nickname, Blondie Easter Fatty.  And I might even do the South Beach Diet again. It was tough but it kicked started my healthy eating when I did it a few years ago.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But Blondie, what will you write about if you are no longer boozing it up all the time?”

Well, dear readers, I don’t effing know. But the proper functioning of my liver trumps blog fodder. Plus, it’s bikini season. And I can still have hilarious adventures without alcohol.

Just because there is absolutely no proof of it in this blog doesn’t mean it can’t happen.

And I’m going to 3 different festivals this weekend. I’m sure I’ll have something to write about then.

In other news…

  • My company didn’t pay me for 16 hours and wouldn’t cut a check outside of payroll. This wouldn’t be a problem except my boss told me they would cut me a check, so I went ahead and paid my bills thinking I’d have more money this week. Nope! I have $3 in my bank account until next Thursday.
  • The (newly broken up) ex-girlfriend of a guy I know (who I’ve met a grand total of two times) added me as a friend on Facebook after I wrote on the dude’s wall thanking him for coming to my party. I’ve met the girl once. A month ago. For 30 seconds. Seriously girl. I know what you’re doing. Don’t act like a fucking nutjob.
  • The incident involving the making out session on the stairwell has a name. Stairgate. I’m very disappointed in the effort that went into that name.
  • Wasabi and soy sauce almonds are the best thing ever made. Well. Maybe not THE best. But right up there. I eat them by the can. True story.
  • I went to Trader Joe’s for the very first time last weekend. They have good prices on meat. But wasn’t overly impressed otherwise.
  • I want you to follow me on Twitter. Please? I love you.

See? Exciting stuff happens when you aren’t drunk!

yeah…

Weekend Wackiness in Picture Form

{ April 12, 2009 @ 7:48 pm } · { Adventures of Blondie and SerialDater }
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In Atlanta, we get a fair number of severe storms in the Spring. The first big storm of the season happened on the night of the Braves home opener, a game I attended. All afternoon, the wind was gusting and the sky looked incredibly ominous,

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but a few beers at the tailgating spot kept us from thinking about it.

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(Some humping was going on)

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(I captured this incredible photo. I call it ‘Stairwell Placement Fail’)

Halfway through the 3rd inning, the floodgates opened and started pouring rain on us.

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Our group took shelter under an escalator behind the Top of the Chop and in the process of securing better shelter, a concession cart was rolled onto my foot.

Then, it started hailing.

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After 15 minutes or so, it cleared off enough for us to find a first aid tent to bandage my badly bleeding toe. They took pictures of the injury and asked me a million questions about how it happened before putting a bandage on it and sending me on my way.

At this point, our group had scattered and everyone decided to leave and regroup at a friend’s house. There may have been a bottle of Jose Cuervo in the car ride there, and I may have gotten a contact high from the weed my friends were smoking.

Back at my friend’s house, I met a robot.

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We hit it off.

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(notice the bloody toe)

After watching a married guy hit on two girls, my friend and I decided to mosey back to our neck of the woods and we had one drink at Cheers before I decided I had enough fun for the night. Plus, I had a busy day on Saturday.

Because my party was that night.

******

That day, Serial and went to Party City (and Old Navy, and H&M, and Banana Republic and a bunch of other places that had nothing to do with our party. We get sidetracked.) to get some money decorations since it was recession themed.

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(gotta have bling)

Serial made jello shots and I made a vodka punch.

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(It’s like easter eggs for adults!)

Serial had too much vodka in a short period of time and up and left at 11 without telling anyone goodbye.

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(the last picture of Serial before she did her disappearing act. The person on the phone showed up to the party a short time later and said he couldn’t understand what she was saying. She is now banned from vodka. Forever)

The party raged on for a few more hours (the wig and cowboy hat made an appearance)

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and after the alcohol ran out, the last of us headed to Cheers (especially since Grabs was mad at a boy and needed another beer). I may have taken a few shots and got dancing fever.

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SOMEHOW, I woke up this morning without the least bit of a hangover (except being slightly tired from going to bed at 4 am) which was good because I had to do the family thing for Easter.

Church is a lot more entertaining when you have a baby in your lap.

Afterwards, we met at my parents house for lunch and my grandmother told me I was fat. Her exact words were “You and I are getting really fat”. And then proceeded to tell me how hard it is to lose weight.

Yay.

Then, my mom was chatting with a friend whose son was getting married and made the comment “Aren’t you happy to have all of your kids married?”

Yay again.

THEN, my mom’s friend came over (who has one schizophrenic son and another who has no goals for life, and therefore is living vicariously through my mom) and called herself Granny around my brother’s girls much to the chagrin of me and Sisinlaw. She gave everyone Easter cards except for me.

Yay times 3.

And now I’m reminded why I want to leave Atlanta.

It’s still gonna happen. Just not as soon as I had hoped.

When I finally managed to escape, I had the fun task of cleaning up after the party. I filled 4 trash bags with bottles and cups.

And with that, another fun weekend is over. Back to the grind tomorrow.

And speaking of Easter and sacreligious stuff, my comment count is currently at 666. Please post a comment. That’s a little creepy.

The walk of (non) shame

{ April 5, 2009 @ 7:08 am } · { That was random. }
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Last night was…memorable to say the least.

The evening started out innocent enough with a yummy Mexican dinner and margarita (if you follow me on twitter, you probably saw my margarita craving). A little while later, I met up with Calvery and her brother at Cheers for a few drinks. Calvery was ready to leave but her brother wanted to stay out, with it being his birthday and all, so I agreed to hang out with him and act as wingwoman. The Big Italian showed up later and I eventually lost track of Calvery’s brother (but was told he got into a cab), so I was left with the BI and friends.

At some point, one of the Big Italian’s friends misinterpreted something I said and was mad at me, wouldn’t speak to me and actually told another one of the BI’s friends to ‘punch me in the back of my head’. I got really upset because what I said and what he thought I said were two totally different things and wouldn’t listen to reason. The Big Italian assured me that the friend didn’t hate me and was just upset, but regardless of how upset you are, you shouldn’t tell another guy to punch a girl in the back of the head.

Yeah, good times. Suddenly, it was last call and I was left alone with the Big Italian. We walked back to my car (both of us knew I wasn’t leaving anytime soon) and started making out. I suggested a location a little more secluded where we wouldn’t be seen by people driving down Peachtree. The secluded spot? At stairwell behind the shopping center next to Cheers.

******The biggest fail hilariously awkward moment of my life is about to occur. Be warned.*******

In our “secluded” spot, we started fooling around and at one point I commented on whether or not we knew anyone who drove the type of truck parked next to the building. Cheers was far enough away that we figured we were safe, plus the bar was closed and we thought it was just parked there overnight. Not so much.

20 minutes into our fooling around, while straddling the Big Italian’s lap in my super cute skirt (that both men and women were commenting on all night. Weird.), we heard voices in the alley. They belonged to none other than New Favorite Bartender (who owned the truck) and a fellow bartender who saw EVERYTHING.

Awkward hellos and jokes were exchanged before they got into the truck and left. And I have a feeling I will never live it down.

Buzz killed.

We headed back to the Big Italian’s apartment where we picked up the kissing but was eventually told that he couldn’t mentally bring himself to sleep with me. His explanation was that he normally blows off girls after sleeping with them and since I was a close friend, couldn’t bring himself to do me because the end result wasn’t worth it. Which pretty much explained a lot about who he is.

We fell asleep and I awoke to find my bra destroyed by his dog (it’s apparently something he does) and the realization that I left my pup at home all night. I did the worst walk of shame in my entire life by walking back to my car on Peachtree in my cute outfit from the night before but no bra.

And thus ends my night of drama, violence and debauchery. Hope you enjoyed.

UPDATE*************

I forgot to include that I ran into a guy I met a few months ago who worked at the same restaurant as the Bartender I dated. When we first met, I mentioned to him that I briefly dated the bartender and to tell him I said hi.

Last night, the guy informed me that he mentioned my name to him at work one night and the Bartender flipped out on him and said, “Don’t fucking mention her name to me. I don’t wanna talk about her!”

Score!

Everyone get on board the failboat.

{ April 3, 2009 @ 11:05 pm } · { Adventures of Blondie and SerialDater }
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Wow, I really sucked at life this week. Where to begin….hmm.

If you follow my BFF’s site, then you heard about the dude telling her he loved her after getting very intoxicated. And since we tell each other everything, and have discovered we can communicate messages back and forth using only nods, glances and the occasional word, Serial immediately texted me.

Our nonverbal communication looks a little something like this:

Serial: *nod* *stare* Kickball.
Me: *nod* Ah, mmhmm, yes.
Serial: *gleeful nod* Yes!

And just like that, Serial has informed me that a whore who used to frequent the bar, has just arrived.

The dude happens to be good friends with the Big Italian and at some point over the weekend, I apparently (drunkenly) told him what the dude said. Later in the week, the Big Italian commented to the dude about it and threw his flip flop at him and jokes were made at his expense.

The day following, Serial informed me that the dude was really upset that everyone knew and he decided he wouldn’t go to Cheers for a while and would not come to our party. I sent him an apology email because I felt partially responsible and thought I had cleared everything up.

Until I realized he defriended me.

After a series of text messages, we finally became Facebook friends again, and I informed him that defriending someone is the lowest thing you can do.

Meanwhile, the Big Italian says he’s not sorry the kiss happened….

I was gonna go into a long story about how I was upset all week about the incident and felt the Big Italian was acting weird towards me, but decided to nix it. It’s just me being stupid. We had a conversation this afternoon that cleared everything up and even joked about bowel cleansing (don’t ask). You can only talk about that stuff with certain people.

St. Pat’s Fail

{ March 18, 2009 @ 8:26 am } · { Adventures of Blondie and SerialDater }
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Oh I love my life. Halfway into my second jumbo beer at Cheer’s St. Patrick’s day party, I saw a guy I thought looked familiar. I approached him and asked where I knew him from, and he immediately looked offended. Not a good sign. When I told him I meet a lot of people, he looked even more offended but eventually revealed his identity. Something I now wish he hadn’t done. Yes kids, the mystery guy was none other than Perky Nipple Dude from the Young Republicans event. Yeah. I rock. I realized he was reasonably attractive, so after apologizing, I started chatting with him and, as it turned out, he was really interested in me. Then he started following me around and tried not once, not twice, but three times to kiss me. Not just leaning in, but grabbing my face and pulling it towards his waiting lips. Suddenly reasonably attractive turned into drunk and sketchy. I eventually escaped his clutches and made my way outside but Serial didn’t want to give up her prime location. So I wait til the coast was clear and snuck back in. Minutes later, he returned.

He accused Serial of being high because her eyes were dialated and then began molesting me right there in the bar. Serial and I were sitting on top of a side bar and he spread my legs and began gyrating against me. Then began thrusting. I had visions of what sex would be like with him and it wasn’t a pretty image. Finally Serial and I managed to escape and I decided I had enough fun for one evening. Because the party was so big, I had to park in the neighboring shopping center’s parking lot – and was assured by the parking attendant that my car would be fine there. When I arrived back at my car, I was shocked to find a boot on my car and every other car in the lot. FML. As it turned out, Cheer’s owner was notified that all the cars in that lot were going to be booted and chose not to inform any of the patrons. Further proof that the owner is a total asshole.

And so that ended the massive fail that was St. Pats. Serial and I both decided we need to find a new local bar because Cheers just isn’t doing anything for us anymore. We love our bartenders but the owner and some of the patrons make it less enjoyable for us each visit.

And now I’m out of $50 I didn’t have to start with. Thank God for my new job!

Mannequin Legs

{ November 16, 2008 @ 8:17 pm } · { That was random. }
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northside

Things you can’t really see in this pic.

1. Roomie’s sister and I are holding on to mannequin legs that were hanging from a rafter.
2. My dress is centimeters away from showing off my ass.
3. There’s a really hot guy in the room.
4. Roomie’s sister’s car had unknowingly been towed.

This was my Saturday night.

It started at Smith’s Olde Bar with Serial while waiting to go to a birthday party (we couldn’t show up early!) and ended at an impound lot in the ghetto of downtown Atlanta at 3:30am.

In between, there was a plethora of hot guys at the bars, amazing food at the party and crazy dancing to jazz at Northside Tavern.

The night ended around 4:30 when I finally made it home after taking Roomie and her sister to the impound lot.

I spent the majority of the day on the couch until Roomie took me to Old Cheers to thank me for all I did.

And yes, the Bartender was working.

Yeehaw.

{ November 9, 2008 @ 7:56 pm } · { Adventures }
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cowboys

So, I didn’t get to use my pick up line on Friday. But, we are planning a return trip in the near future.

The hat, however, proved to be useful. I kept knocking it off Kath’s head and guys would pick it up every time. I’m sure if I had fewer shots of tequila I would have realized what an awesome strategy that was. See a hot guy coming, knock the hat off.

Approved!

{ November 8, 2008 @ 5:35 pm } · { Adventures }
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Last night included tequila.

And nifty hand stamps that said ‘approved’!

But in all seriousness, did they lose the normal hand stamps and have to rummage around in the office for a replacement?

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